Scissor Me Timbers Thots + Prayers™️ Candle Bundle

Scissor Me Timbers EPUB/PDF

Scissor Me Timbers Ebook (Direct Download)

Signed paperback comes with bookmark, 3 stickers, & 1 Thots & Prayers™️ candle. Candle color may vary, specify candle color preference in notes or email.

[Please email phrique @ icloud.com or leave a note if you would like a personalized inscription.]

Scissor Me Timbers is a work of Splatterpunk Erotic Horror. This sapphic nunsploitation story contains scenes of extreme violence, graphic sex, and rampant sacrilege. Reader discretion is advised. Amen!

Thoughts, Prayers, & Chainsaw Kisses 💋

My Dearest Inamorata, Virgin Mary:
I beseech thy heavenly help.
For a seductive serpent
has found it fit
to infiltrate my lady garden and
enchant my convent
with her feminine wiles.
My daily thoughts drift
to her most holy of places,
before they become
my most fanny-fluttering nightmares.
Lead me not into her slippery path,
for I fear her ultimate pleasure
would lead to my ultimate punishment.
Give me, I prithee,
chastened strength, forsooth.
May I pluck out my eye
that I cast upon her rotund derrière.
May I cut off my arm
that aches to caress her ample bosom.
Keep her womanly entrance
and her blasphemous booty
from my hallucinatory escapades.
Guide my hand so I might smite
this plaid clad vixen’s descent
upon my henhouse.
Transmute me
into a voluptuous vessel
for your wrath,
Give me the vengeance
I implore
Before the demoness sees fit
to devour us all.
Pray for us sinners,
Mother Superior 💋

328 Pages

⚠️CANDLE WARNING ⚠️
Burn within sight. Keep away from flammable objects. Keep away from children and pets. BURNING INSTRUCTIONS Trim wick to 1/4" before lighting. Keep candle free of any foreign materials including matches and wick trimmings. Only burn the candle on a level, fire resistant surface. Do not burn candle for more than four hours at a time. Stop use when only 1/4" of wax remains.